Reflections on A National Tragedy

I think that all of us--individually and as a nation--have struggled to process the events of last Friday, and the random loss of many lives cut short much too soon. I know that I have not been able to even discuss it without getting upset. There's the Ugly Cry, and then there's the Pregnant Ugly Cry, which is a whole new level. But that doesn't mean that we're not all carrying it with us. Usually after big events I am an obsessive news-follower; I think it helps me process. But this feels different. I can't really read about it. I haven't read the list of names. I haven't looked closely at their little faces. I am not particularly interested in the bad guy. I think that it's natural to look to the information to provide clues, or some answers, but I genuinely believe that one of the greatest tragedies at hand here is that there are no answers. There will never be answers. There can be literally no explanation that even approaches sufficiency, and so it seems futile. I am also keenly aware that it does not help the families that are suffering for me to immerse myself in news reports, and that that really only just serves to make me feel bad. So what's to be done? I don't know.

I'm not yet a parent, at least not to a human on the outside, but the thought that you could wake up on a normal morning and begin your day only to have lost your child by 10am, in a place that is presumed to be safe, to a random and violent death at the hands of a stranger is utterly unfathomable. It's like the worst thing you can imagine, and then a thousand times worse than that. Were they scared? Were they in pain? You can only hope that they were so little and so innocent that they died quickly without really understanding what was going on--and that's a horrible thing to have to hope. It shouldn't even be called a hope at all.

As an early childhood educator, I'm also compelled to think about the teachers. Some acted quickly to save the children in their classrooms, and some died trying to do so. I hope to never know for sure, but I'm fairly certain I would have done the same thing. Teachers are alternately revered and maligned in our society (usually when it's convenient for political posturing), with little meaningful discourse in the space between, but I can assure you that the vast majority of them would die to protect your children. Think about that for a while. We argue about how they are performing, whether they are trained enough, how to evaluate them, what they're allowed to teach, whether they should organize themselves, how they are compensated, whether they should be armed (come on)--most of us actually knowing very little about the complexities of education science--but most teachers would do everything in their power to protect your kids in a really bad situation. Even the "bad" ones. They're the ones that are there when you're not, and I promise that they're always, always aware of that.

Then come the bigger conversations. Partly this is because we are searching for reasons as to how this could have happened and partly because we like to think we are taking action to prevent such unspeakable horror from ever happening again. So first we talk about guns. I'm not particularly interested in that debate, in part because I'm just not sure I have much faith in the political seas that would have to part in order to get it done. I also suspect I'm pretty much preaching to the choir here, so a well-researched and articulate argument seems unnecessary. But I do think it's reasonable to say (as a gun owner, for the record) that most people can thoughtfully consider whether ordinary citizens need assault weapons or high-capacity magazines, and how to address issues with the point of sale (e.g., background checks, internet purchases). Yes, it's complicated, but surely we're smart enough to figure this out.

Then we have to talk about mental illness. Some people want to talk about this to divert attention from the gun issue, while others have more meaningful motivation. I will say at the outset that I truly believe we have serious and significant work to do as a civilized nation to decrease stigmatization of and barriers to support for people with mental illness. But. But...it's more complicated than that. Because having that discussion in this context conflates mental illness with violence (mass violence) in a way that I'm not quite sure we should do. Or that we need to do, but very carefully.

First, most people with mental illness are not violent. In fact, they are much more likely to be victims of violent crime than to perpetrate it. So this is a slippery slope toward actually increasing our fear and misunderstanding of people with mental illness, if we continue to insinuate the generality that people with mental illness (all lumped together) are violent or dangerous.

Second, not all people who commit mass violence are mentally ill. I know. This one is tough to wrap the mind around. We so want it to be true, because we have to believe as humans that a normal, sane person could not just start shooting up a public place with the aim of killing as many people as possible. It is incongruous with all we know and understand, so we have to think that something is wrong with their brains or feelings. A lot of times, this is true. Mass killers are sometimes indeed very, very ill. But sometimes--almost just as often--they are not. Or they are, but they haven't been for very long (most mental illness of the type we're discussing here tends to emerge in the teen or young adult years; most mass killers are young men). This is scary.

Third, there has been some emerging information about this particular killer and a diagnosis of Asperger's. This could certainly be true, but it's alarming in the context in which it's presented to the general public. Asperger's (an autism spectrum disorder [ASD]) is a neurodevelopmental disability, not a mental illness. It is typically identified in childhood (as opposed to mental illness, which is typically identified later) and is not associated with premeditated, externally-directed violence. So I am very worried about the effects it could have for pundits and reporters and talking heads to be giving Joe Newswatcher some sort of reason to think that a diagnosis of Asperger's is an explanation for this behavior. It's not. It could be part of the puzzle--developmental disabilities are often comorbid with other issues, including mental health issues--but ASD alone is not why this kid killed a lot of people, and we should be very careful about scaring the public, who already think enough cuckoo things, such as that vaccines cause autism, because of un-careful science and reporting. What if some parent out there now thinks they shouldn't vaccinate their children because it might turn them into mass murderers? Public health crisis, but totally the wrong one.

Finally, while there are a lot of things we don't know about mass killers in general or this killer in particular, there are some things we do know. Mentally ill or not, they are typically loners. They are socially isolated. Some have exhibited red flag behavior in the past, but the scariest part is that most have not done anything significant enough that would have set into motion a series of meaningful interventions, at least under the current system. They are almost always young men, and they are almost always angry. So I think it's right to have all these conversations--about guns and mental illness--but I also think we need to talk about other things. We need to talk about masculinity, sexuality, and our culture of violence. We need to talk about how we teach people (as children or adults) to identify and deal with their emotions. And these are much more difficult conversations to have, because I don't know where they begin or where they should go. They deal with the heart of our identity as a society. They make us ask uncomfortable questions about ourselves and confront unattractive realities. But I should think it's pretty clear that it needs to be done.

Yet amid all these conversations, we cannot forget. We can't forget the children who died, the families who are grieving, the teachers and administrators who gave their lives in doing what they believed in, a mother, and even a killer (talk about hard questions--what about forgiveness and loving the unlovable? Where was a loving God that day? I don't know what kind of spiritual evolution that requires, but I'm not that enlightened at this point. Maybe you are. I hope some people are). Action seems to fall short of accomplishment, and calls to live differently--hug your babies tighter; don't take anything for granted--even seem a little tired.

Maybe there is no meaning. Maybe there's nothing we can really do to make it better. Certainly there's nothing anyone can do that will bring those little bitty souls back here. I remain cynical of our ability to make meaningful changes (at a national or legal level) because, sadly, we all tend to drift back toward business as usual over time. I have slightly more faith in the ability of individuals to make changes in their own lives. Maybe you needed a push to do the thing you've been meaning to do, to love a little deeper, to think a little bit less about yourself.

I think that we search for meaning and explanation because having something to "understand" feels like it lessens grief. I also think that we have a culture that is both death-avoidant and solution-oriented. I'm a big proponent of problem-solving, and I do believe we have serious work to do, so that's not entirely a bad thing. But it sometimes seems that an effect of focusing on healing and doing good is to rush through the grief. Taking action is healthy and admirable, but it has its time. The appropriate time may be different for different people. Maybe we shouldn't rush through it--I know those parents won't. They're probably still in shock. I think it's ok to sit with pain for a little while, and just think about it. It is a temporary and acceptable form of inaction.

I also know that part of our outrage and grief in this situation is so extreme because so many of the victims were very young children, and we know on some elemental level that this is more wrong. We are supposed to protect children. We have to keep them safe and healthy and provide for them and love them because they can't yet do all of that for themselves. So I ask you to keep thinking about the children, all the children all over the world, and how we keep them safe and healthy and loved.

Think also of the "secondary victims," the first responders and caregivers and survivors (many of whom are children) who have been traumatized by their experiences and will struggle with complex and conflicting emotions as they heal. And of course, think of the families who now feel incomplete. I'm an imperfect approximation of a believer, but I do know that I believe in the power of good and of love--maybe not to stop bad things from happening, but that it at least provides some measure of comfort to these shattered families to know that there are so many people thinking of them and sending love to them from every corner of the world.

Martha I Am Not

Holiday parties, baking, baby incubating, nursery decorating, Christmas card mailing...I know, I know. You're so impressed. You're all like, "How DOES she do it?" and then you shake your head in awe.

Well, I'm here to tell you, friends. Wonder no more. As Chevy Chase's dad says in Christmas Vacation, "I had a lot of help from my friend Jack Daniels."

First, you want to get up in the morning and get a jumpstart on your baking. Make a batch of spicy bourbon pecans. Congratulate yourself for being so on top of things, and smugly cross this task off the to-do list. Let the pecans cool, wrap them up (fool me once, dogs), and go upstairs to do something not really useful.

Hear crash and speed waddle back down to the kitchen. Ask, "what was that, girls?" as if they might provide a helpful answer.

Oh. It was this.

Take a photo and post it to Instagram, because...what else is there to do, really? Keep yelling at brown dog while running to get a broom (note: this will be futile and she will eat approximately 2 cups of Tabasco whiskey treats in 7 seconds).

Sweep up what you can and decide it can't do too much more damage to let both dogs take care of the remaining crumbs. Wonder via text to your husband whether pecans make dogs sick. Be sure to not have time to make another batch.

[HOURS LATER]

Forget about pecan incident and feed both dogs a normal dinner. Mosey through living room to let dogs out after dinner, as is customary. Discover pile of dog vomit, including whole undigested pecans, on the rug. It's always on the rug. 

Stand in resigned silence. Observe as blonde dog approaches pecan vomit. Decide you no longer have any shits to give and allow dog to just eat the pecan vomit, as the thought of picking it up will certainly induce additional human vomit. Think about crying instead of vomiting; decide neither is worth the effort. Walk away so at least you don't have to watch.

Put some towels on the wet spot and leave the house. 

Ho ho ho. 

Holiday Gift Roundup

I guess it's a blog tradition or something to do a gift list around this time of year. While I don't really consider myself part of the "blogosphere" (I think you have to have more than just your mom as a reader to do that), I thought I'd jump on the train anyway. Mostly because I just like lists. It's kind of a hybrid between a regular gift list and another "favorite things" list. So here are a few ideas to buy for me. Or other people. Or me.

It's mostly for normals, with just a few preg suggestions at the end (as I realize that people who are 8 months pregnant at Christmas likely make up a very small portion of people's lists).

I was not compensated for sharing any of these, but you can put cash in my mailbox if that makes you feel sad.

For the ladies:

Urban Decay Naked 2 eye palette

I don't have the Naked 1 palette, but this sequel is highly-anticipated and causing quite a buzz on the interwebs. Given that there's about to be a lot less makeup in my life, having everything together in one palette seems appealing. It's a lot of neutrals and greiges, which is pretty much my jam. 

Williams-Sonoma flour sack towels

To be clear, I'm not suggesting that you give someone JUST dishtowels as a gift. Ask my mother and mother-in-law what happens when housewares are given as gifts (hint: things get thrown). But if you know s/he would dig them, and maybe your gift is already culinary themed, these are my favorite. They don't look like much, but they are huge and soft and great. 

anything by Nico + Lala

click here for the gift guide

I'm giving away a secret here, but these are my go-to ladies for anything party-related, custom-designed, you name it. I have them to thank for this fabulous blog design, actually. Invitations, Christmas cards, custom golf balls...if it needs swankifying, they can do it. They also have ready made items if you don't need a custom design. Their gift guide has 10 picks under $100 and I think any one of them is a great idea for friends. 

I think candles have a little bit of a reputation as a lazy gift--like the thing you get the girl you don't really know well enough to get a personal gift for. But they can also be really great. A personal fave is Nest candles. I gave my sister the Pumpkin Chai one in October and she texted me saying that she literally wanted to marry it, which I think is a decent endorsement. They have a nice holiday one, and I like the Wild Oats + Bourbon (obvi) for year round. Also Peony Blanche. They look nice and don't smell overpowering. 

Corkcicle.

This doesn't really need a lot of explanation, other than to say that I'm disappointed in myself for not being the one who invented it. 

Scharffenberger Brut Excellence

Sparkles! The New York Times recently wrote a review of American sparkling wines (when buying for the holidays, the real Champagne can be a budget-buster). This was the one they chose as the best value--it retails for about $17-$20 a bottle. 

For the gents:

Boys are tough to shop for. They don't usually know what they want, and when they do, it's sometimes not something that makes a great gift. Like underwear. It's also tough to recommend things to buy for "your man" (gag me Cosmo-mag speak), because they're all pretty different. Is he kind of metro? A dudical dude? The power tool type? So ironic it hurts? I don't know. So I am just putting some things here that I think BA would like, and you can take that for what you will. He is a regular dude (awesome-type, obviously) who wears regular non-tight jeans, drinks beer and bourbon AND wine, likes hanging out and stinky cigars, prefers to outsource the handyman tasks, would still use a bar of soap as shampoo if we weren't married, plays golf and tennis and can shoot some things (in a sporting non-redneck way), is smart and cares about world events, and likes nice things but thinks that stores are just large display places and would never actually spend the money to take a Nice Thing home for himself. 

First, the obvious choice would be bourbon. But I think I'm going to have BA write a bourbon roundup, so you can hear it straight from the aficionado himself. 

Whiskey Advent Calendar

Hurry! You're already behind!

Gold-banded Double Old-Fashioned glasses

We have Christmas DOFs ("bourbon glasses," in this house) and fancy cut-crystal wedding-gift ones, all of which get used, but BA prefers the plain ones for casual use. You know, your standard Tuesday night bourbon. It is key that they have a very heavy bottom. This makes them feel more manly. We don't have the ones pictured, but I think the gold band adds a very cool, retro-now Mad Men vibe. And if your dude doesn't want to be Don Draper even just a little bit, then we probably aren't friends. 

Barbour lambswool scarf

I think men like Barbour the way we like anything Kate Middleton wears. Like you can imagine yourself being some important person in the English countryside with lots of dogs doing something sporting that Americans don't really understand. Also, Barbour has recently teamed up with Jack Spade (yes, that's Kate Spade's husband) and released this collection, which is kind of cool. The man in your life can indulge his James Bond Skyfall side.

Come on. Everyone wins here. 

and one more for good measure. 

No word on whether Scottish groundskeeper is included with purchase.

[Then spend some time chuckling at this (NSFW): Your LL Bean Boyfriend]

And then you can buy yourself this: The OPI Skyfall collection

they kind of mailed it in on the names, which are usually the best and punniest part, but they're actually all good colors which is not always the case with these forced tie-in gimmicks "collections" they do.

Bose Noise-Cancelling Headphones

Every time we fly, he says he wants these. I take this as an indictment of humanity, not an actual gift request, because hating people and thinking they're stupid is a perfectly reasonable response to today's air-travel experience. Also, I'm not about to gift him anything "noise cancelling" with a baby on the way. If I'm hearing it, he's hearing it. But I'm sharing it with you because apparently he's not alone and lots of guys like these things. 

Silicone Ice Ball molds

Hip, fancy artisan cocktail bars serve their bourbon (and other drinks) with ice balls instead of cubes. The thinking is that they melt more slowly, so they keep your drink cold without diluting it, like so: 

Will your man-person actually make and use ice balls? I don't know. Does he use the whiskey stones you got him last year? But it's an idea. I actually know several ladies who would enjoy this as well, so don't feel gender limited. Throw it in some pinot grigio and start a new trend.

Lodge Cast Iron Skillet

Also not really gender-specific, but I'm putting it here given my rule about not gifting housewares to women (outlined above). These are surprisingly inexpensive, durable (I'm talking multigenerational), versatile, and kind of rugged rustic feeling. We have 3 and use them often. Throw in a subscription to Garden & Gun and you're legit. 

Also consider experiences rather than things. BA and my dad did this butchering class together about a year ago, and said it was great. We got to meet up with them afterwards and eat a great meal (it really was fabulous, and I don't usually flip over lamb). It looks like they're doing a hog class this January at Miel ($150). Tasty.

For peeps with pups:

Simply Fido 

(ours is more like a lovey--a bunny head on a blankie--but I don't see that on the site). 

Ok, so these are pricey for a dog gift. Or for a gift for some humans. But our dogs love theirs, and I love it too for a few reasons. The main reason is that it does not contain any stuffing, because ours will de-stuff a regular old dog toy in an obscenely short time. I got ours at Whole Foods (like the dog cares that the shit it's ripping to shreds is organic) but you can search online as well. 

For the pregs in your life:

Ingrid + Isabel belly leggings

Here's what they don't tell you. After weeks at the beginning of pregnancy sort of wishing you could wear maternity clothes so you're definitely pregnant-not-fat, you have a nice phase where you can wear some good things. THEN YOU OUTGROW THE MATERNITY CLOTHES. I don't even know what else to say, other than...leggings. 

artist's rendering

of freezer gel booties

because this item does not exist as far as I know

If you want to make millions, invent these and sell to people with swollen feet. BA says he wants to make millions, but I'm starting to doubt his commitment to the cause. 

Until then, just a massage should do the trick. 

Tennis balls

Yes, really. I mean, don't give me any, because we have a ton. But would maybe be a good stocking stuffer? I use one to lie on with problem owie spots, like nerve flareups (e.g., sciatica, upper back). Don't roll around on one unless you want to cry--just stay pretty stationary but put pressure on the spot. The burning means it's working. You can also put a couple in a tube sock and VOILA! Instant back massager. Dogs and husbands also enjoy tennis balls, so they're just generally good to have around. 

Other ideas: gift cards (she can use as she wishes, before or after baby) or accessories that don't remind her that she is puffy (necklaces, scarves, earrings; NOT rings or watches or the Stay-Puft Marshmallow Man's jaunty cap). 

No.

Merry merry, everybody. 

French Toast Bread Pudding

I made this on Sunday morning because I had a lot of random bread to use up, and I thought it would be good to post--this is a good time of year to have a solid breakfast/brunch recipe up your sleeve. It can be made the night before so all you have to do in the morning is bake and eat. It's a "skinny" recipe, so you can feel less guilty about over-indulging at those holiday parties.

Ingredients
serves 4-6

4 cups (about 8 slices) bread, cut into 1-inch cubes (whole wheat would be least sinful, but use whatever you have on hand)
4 oz reduced-fat cream cheese, softened
2 very ripe bananas, mashed
2 large eggs
2 egg whites
3/4 cup milk
3 Tbsp maple syrup
1/2 tsp vanilla extract
1 tsp cinnamon
zest of 1 orange (or splash of OJ if you don't have an orange on hand)
powdered sugar for garnish, if desired

Lightly spray an 8x8 dish with cooking spray.

Add the bread to the dish. With a standing or handheld mixer, beat the cream cheese and bananas until smooth. Add the eggs and egg whites, one at a time, mixing well after each addition. Pour in the milk, syrup, vanilla, cinnamon, and zest, and mix until smooth. Pour the cream cheese mixture over the bread. Cover and refrigerate overnight. **If you don't have overnight, it works fine to make it in the morning and let it sit at room temperature for a while until most of the liquid is soaked up**

Preheat oven to 375 degrees.

If bread mixture has been refrigerated, remove from fridge and let sit at room temp for about 15 minutes. Bake for 30-40 minutes, or until center is set and a knife inserted into center comes out clean.

Sift powdered sugar over top, if using. Cut/scoop and serve. You can use more maple syrup, but it might not be necessary.

I did not take a pic before we devoured it, so send one this way if you make this and I'll put it up!

29 Weeks

How Far Along: 29 weeks, y'all.

Total Weight Gain: I see skinny people at the grocery store and want to bop them on their skinny heads. 

Size of Baby: Acorn squash or something. 2-3 lbs, but will triple in weight between now and D-Day. 

He is putting on fat and entering an "active phase" (truth). I am putting on fat and entering a non-active phase. Weird.

Maternity Clothes: Sad trombone moment of the week: putting on a maternity top that was TOO SMALL. I have never worn it--I guess I waited too long. Then the Terrible Awful happened: my cute, flat TB boots--which I bought specifically because they were flat and intended to wear them throughout the pregnancy--no longer zip up my fat/swollen legs. Helpfully, only the heeled ones still zip up, and it has been too warm for the Uggs. A serious footwear dilemma. 

One blog I read recommended Tieks flats. Does anyone know anything about them?

Movement: I do not think I was correct about him turning over (or he flipped back), because he was definitely back in the disobedient position around Sunday. Sunday/Monday had lots of movement, so he's up to something in there. 

Sleep: I'm pretty tired. This seems unfair, as everybody seems set on terrifying people about the sleepless times that await after baby arrives. And to those people who say "just wait 'til the baby comes!" or "it's good practice!" I flick you in the forehead, because I'm pretty sure I don't need practice not sleeping. 

What I miss: Putting cute clothes on my list to Santa.

Cravings: Still have a salt aversion.

Other crazy symptoms: I puked for the first time. That's right, at 29 weeks. I woke up really hungry and had a huge bowl of cereal, and I think there just wasn't enough room for it. Lesson learned. 

Best Moment this week: I am enjoying decking the halls, starting to piddle around the nursery, and am also looking forward to my first shower tomorrow! Getting out the Christmas ornaments reminded me of the ornament shower I had before we got married (a really great thing to do, if any of you are brides), and it's fun symmetry to be having a baby shower pretty much exactly five years later. It's even hosted by some of the same lovely friends of my mom's. So that's fun to think about. 

The Evolution of a Marriage

or "How to Keep the Romance Alive"

[Scene: I have requested help unloading my Costco purchases (yes, just like that, I guess I shop at Costco)]

Me: Can you take this [giant box of wipes]? It's heavier than it looks.

BA: Yeah. It IS heavy. How many are in here?

Me: I don't know, like 1200 or something.

BA: How many do you use?

Me: Um, maybe like 3 per diaper change? More if it's a blowout.

BA: Oh, these are wipes? What's a blowout?

Me: Are you joking?

... [I explain; he looks at me--less terrified and more as if I am a crazy lady. This is a reasonably common term, right? Not just in the family lexicon??]

They teach a lot in childbirth class, but they don't teach that. I really, really hope BA is here the first time C poops up his own back.

Nursery: Under Construction

Well, we didn't need to do any real construction, so I guess "in progress" would be more accurate. But it has still been a larger undertaking than I anticipated, which seems to be how these things go.

I'm not sure what I've said about the nursery (if anything) yet, so a quick recap:

• We were using it as a pretty functional guest room, so it was nice that it wasn't like the place where random things go to die and that we didn't have to clear out all the storage stuff. I had some Christmas/wrapping things in there, so the biggest logistical change is that BA has had to share his office with the elves. He kindly volunteered, and that's been helpful.
• I wanted to leave the adult bed (queen size) in the room, in case I need to sleep in there later on, either before baby (snoring problem) or after. I also did not want to deal with moving it out. Also, this room has served as Sara's/Berna's/Maggie's room and this way we can still have buds stay over while the baby is in our bedroom. 
• We know that we are not going to be in this house forevermore, so I wanted to paint it a color that was fairly neutral and did not scream "BAAAABY!! NURSERY!!" That way, the next buyer can see it as whatever they need it to be rather than instantly think they have to re-paint over a too-sweet baby blue.
• Relatedly, I wanted most of the furnishings/fixtures to be able to work in another room in another life, in case I decide to put them elsewhere when baby is bigger and/or in the next house. Also, some of the baby/kids stores are ripoffs and you can get better deals at normal stores. 
• Also relatedly, kids' clothing and gear is generally fairly colorful on its own. In my opinion, this adds all the color and visual interest that one needs, so I wanted the "backdrop" of the room to be pretty neutral. Maybe it comes from spending a lot of time in preschool classrooms, but my threshold for visual/primary color overstimulation is pretty low.
• I don't have an exact "theme," per se, but wanted to steer clear of the really obvious and barf-inducing highly-gender-stereotyped stuff that is out there. So nothing screams SPORTS or whatever, I hope. Later on, when he has preferences and a personality and is in to certain things, we'll go there. 

So those were the rules of the game. I picked the crib first, because it was on sale, and kind of went from there. Here's the general vision. Some of these things I actually purchased and some are just representative:

So, some things that are going on (not a theme!): grey, ivory/white, oatmeal/burlap (that'd be the neutral part), mixed metallics, and a little mustard gold and navy/black. Perhaps this was my subtle incorporation of the love for the Preds that will be imposed upon him by his father entire Nashville family. Also, a few wee woodland creatures.

I can do a source list if anyone is genuinely interested. But I will say that I got the baby animal watercolors on etsy for $12.50 (set of 5). Pretty good deal. 

And now...some photos in real life. I don't have a pure "before," but this will definitely do. 

walking in. There is a full bathroom immediately on the left, which is part of why this room was selected to be the kid room

looking toward window. There is only one window, so the room is pretty dark. I imagine this is not a terrible thing for a baby, but it's part of why I wanted the wall color to be light. 

the bed in its new location, with view of paint swatches

bedside. The lamp (new) and the chest (from Jules's house) are staying.

Note light fixture--which did not work. The light took some kind of weird bulb that I could never find a replacement for. I almost wanted to keep the ceiling fan, because fans are supposed to decrease the risk of SIDS, but I have switched it out. We'll put in a portable fan or something for air circulation when he moves into the nursery.

facing the other wall. The dresser (hidden by mirror on floor) will stay and will have the changing station on top of it. I did not want to put in a separate changing table--even though my mom has one in storage--because I didn't think there was space for one more piece of furniture. Mirrors not staying. That's a random paint swatch on the wall. 

I think this corner (between crib and dresser) will be where the glider and books will go. Ideally I'd like the wall-mounted book racks because I don't think there's room for full bookcases (like that go on the floor). It's a little squished, but we'll figure it out. 

The new light fixture is in, but you can probably make it through your day without a picture of that. The painters are here todayyyyyyy (glory hallelujah) and the glider is coming next week. The painting was the major limiting factor because it has been holding up the next steps--putting things in permanent homes, putting up artwork, putting up shelves. I procrastinated on it long enough and I didn't feel like it was fair to make BA paint the room alone, so I am outsourcing this one. Merry Christmas all around. Don't worry, he has a to-do list from me that is plenty long. He's not off the hook. 

So maybe once the painting is finished I will get my butt in gear and get this poor baby a room (that is assembled). I know he won't be in it right away, but I'm getting tired of people asking "so, are you ready??" and having to be like, well...no...unless the baby can sleep in a dresser drawer or Rubbermaid bin...and then they look at me all sad.

The final paint color, in case you're taking notes: 

Benjamin Moore, Gray Mist. 

The painter informed me that this was the "expensive paint." Oh well; I already picked it. I think lead is not good for babies? There is "cheap paint" on some of our other walls and it is super banged up by now (to the point that we'll need to re-paint), so it's all a trade-off. Also I insisted on the low-VOC unstinky paint, so more $$$. I will pretend that this is out of concern for the environment and accept your admiration, but really it's because I think a paint smell and I would not get along right now. 

(If you're interested, the original color is Behr's Rice Grain and is a perfectly nice color. It was painted that way when we bought the house and is on a lot of our other walls, so I don't have a problem with it. But that room needed re-painting anyway and I thought I'd start fresh).