Well, I'm here to tell you, friends. Wonder no more. As Chevy Chase's dad says in Christmas Vacation, "I had a lot of help from my friend Jack Daniels."
First, you want to get up in the morning and get a jumpstart on your baking. Make a batch of spicy bourbon pecans. Congratulate yourself for being so on top of things, and smugly cross this task off the to-do list. Let the pecans cool, wrap them up (fool me once, dogs), and go upstairs to do something not really useful.
Hear crash and speed waddle back down to the kitchen. Ask, "what was that, girls?" as if they might provide a helpful answer.
Oh. It was this.
Take a photo and post it to Instagram, because...what else is there to do, really? Keep yelling at brown dog while running to get a broom (note: this will be futile and she will eat approximately 2 cups of Tabasco whiskey treats in 7 seconds).
Sweep up what you can and decide it can't do too much more damage to let both dogs take care of the remaining crumbs. Wonder via text to your husband whether pecans make dogs sick. Be sure to not have time to make another batch.
[HOURS LATER]
Forget about pecan incident and feed both dogs a normal dinner. Mosey through living room to let dogs out after dinner, as is customary. Discover pile of dog vomit, including whole undigested pecans, on the rug. It's always on the rug.
Stand in resigned silence. Observe as blonde dog approaches pecan vomit. Decide you no longer have any shits to give and allow dog to just eat the pecan vomit, as the thought of picking it up will certainly induce additional human vomit. Think about crying instead of vomiting; decide neither is worth the effort. Walk away so at least you don't have to watch.
Put some towels on the wet spot and leave the house.
Ho ho ho.
1 comment:
Still. Laughing. In sympathy, of course!
Post a Comment