The Girls

The canine ones, that is. The two beasts that we have allowed to live in our home. Lest anyone think they are being overlooked, I wanted to give a quick update on how their little lives have changed (and man oh boy...they have NO idea what is coming).

Scene: Tuesday morning, early hours. We are up, but pre-coffee. Workmen begin repairing the roof next door. It should be noted that we live on a hill, so the downhill neighbors' roof is essentially in line with our first-floor windows. This was a minor challenge for the humans trying to get dressed, but was apparently catastrophic for the dogs. It must appear that there are intruders levitating right at the top of our fence line (they haven't been too bothered by the workers at the uphill neighbors' house, so it has to be something about the sight lines).

As if this is not enough, today is the day the neighborhood yard man decides to return from his summer hiatus and cut the grass. In the back yard (THE NERVE). At this point, the threat level is nuclear. We are talking WAY above the typical Thursday Apocalypse (otherwise known as trash day). Madigan doesn't know whether to bark at the side of the house--levitating intruders--or stand on the couch and bark out the back window--large black man with lawn mower. Yes, they're racist; it's not my fault and I'm sorry. Abita has dissolved into a howling puddle on the floor, not really understanding what is going on and generally just doing what Madigan does.

I have no solution for this other than walking around, going about my business, trying to convey that I am unconcerned. Also, throwing Wheat Thins on the kitchen floor for momentary distraction. Maybe also some positive association (hey, those floating guys are ok because CRACKERS!)??

Generally, I can cope with chaos. I spend most of my days surrounded by preschoolers. I can tune out most of the insanity, though BA has a slightly lower threshold. It was at this point that I realized that something must be done. Given everything I've heard about sleep deprivation and emotional turbulence after baby arrives, I cannot imagine that these outbursts would go over well with a sleeping newborn upstairs. Sometimes, in the course of human events, mailmen come, the dry cleaning gets dropped off, the trash is collected, and the yard gets mowed. The dogs are going to have to learn to cope. And I know that some of this is my fault for letting this get out of hand, but I don't want to hear about it.

Long story not short, this is now on its way to our house:

maybe it's from 1986. But I still love Amazon with all my heart.

From the description:

The first section involves relationship building and the elmination of annoying behaviors that would be problematic in the presence of a young child such as counter surfing, door crashing, jumping up and so on.

What? What kind of lazy, inattentive dog owner has those problems? Le sigh. 

Furthermore, I also had to take Madigan to the vet today (for a routine checkup and shots, not one of her death-defying acts). I knew that the vet has a little one at home, so I asked what they did in preparation for that. He offered some suggestions; we shall see if the book agrees:

• No more dogs on the bed or couch. They were never allowed on the bed, so I give myself a big high five here. We're winning already! The couch will be a different story, but if we are consistent, I think we can make it work. It's actually something we've known is a problem, particularly with Abita, because she is not convinced that you love her enough unless she is sitting on top of you and licking your face. For obvious reasons, this will no longer be acceptable. 
• Some stuff about food and things. I kind of tuned this part out because we can't send the dogs out of the kitchen due to the layout of our house--the first floor basically IS the kitchen. But he was also talking about slightly bigger kids (i.e., once they can sit in high chairs) and making sure that the dogs don't snatch food out of little baby hands when baby dangles the yums off the high chair. So I guess for us this is more like no dogs in the dining room during dinner. First step is to actually have dinner at home and in the dining room to assess this one. 
• Front door training. He recommended putting a "do not knock" sign on the front door, because UPS guy just gotta knock, and dogs just gotta bark. We will also try to work on the dogs not rushing the door, because that is not pleasant for guests and not entirely safe when someone enters with their arms full. Squirt bottles are generally involved. 
• Baby stunt double. He said that they also introduced a baby doll into the house as it got closer to baby time. That way, the dogs started to see that the humans would always have something in their arms, or that baby would go in all the new swings and gadgets that pop up. 

Then all the usual stuff about bringing a blanket home with baby's scent and so on that I think is pretty much general wisdom. There's plenty of time until that phase, but it sounds like we'd better get started with the couch ban and some other new rules. The vet also said it is wise to start these early because then the dogs do not associate all the new rules (misery) in their lives with the baby's actual arrival. I don't know if dogs can experience resentment, but better to be safe than sorry. 

Finally, we were also sent home with this gem: 

oh how I love informational pamphlets

FYI, Madigan did very well at the vet and had a great report. Stay tuned for updates on Doggie Crackdown: When Life Gets Real. Your advice (or funds with which to hire Cesar Millan) is welcome.